I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
