I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
