how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
