My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
