I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
