just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
