Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
