Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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