hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish you could order shots online.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
