You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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