i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
