R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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