I think my fart just growled at me.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
