If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I cut my penus on the lid.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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