She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
