My hand turned me down
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
