I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
