last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
