i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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