if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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