From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
