i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
