Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
