I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
