Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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