Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
