Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
