he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
