oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
