Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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