i love accidental penises.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
