Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
