like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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