The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
