Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize