She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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