I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
