Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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