If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
