I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was like eating out sand paper
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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