Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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