I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
