Welp...herpes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize