This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
