so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize