Already got asked if we're dating
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
