My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
