nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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