Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
