ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
