Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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