Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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