Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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