worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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