9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
