He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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