Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i believe in u and ur pee
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
