I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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