Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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