The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
