OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
