I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
