so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
