how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
