Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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