Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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