he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
