I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
