so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
