I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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